Spoke to an old friend yesterday. Don’t talk to her often. Her best friend is dying of MS. Every month less muscles work. Her legs no longer work and now her left hand is failing to respond. Two teenage daughters, the oldest estranged.

Sad. Tragic. I asked if she had written letters to her daughters to tell them she loved them so that atleast they could touch that , hold the words, cradle the letter and thereby cradle themselves in support agri et whatever mayhem life bestows upon them as life bestows upon us all.

No, all she did was cried. And immediately I felt a wave of anger surge. Abd judgement. How dare she be so selfish and not prioritise her children’s well being over her own. Her husbands wellbeing in front of her own. No, she prioritises her own lamentation. And yes it is sad. Fuxk, I don’t want to go now. No way. Not ready. I would hit wherever quacks promise abd hope for the best. Anything better than nothing. I’m still upset with her. So much empathy goes out that I can feel my heart quivering and the edge of the world tip. My mother put us children in front. Brave and strubg to the very end. And gone.

Or not. Because she is in Audrey for sure and in Robert as well. Of course in me. I miss you mamma. Soo much. Miss crawling up in your lap and feeling shielded from all.

And then I spoke to a friend of mine who after 40 mn of intense prb solving shared that she has uterus cancer and she is up for a hysterectomy in Dec. tough. Abd whzts fucked up is that when I asked her what’s going on in the beginning if the conversation, she said that the worst was that Trump had won. Not sure how on an individual level Trump beat her entire uterus.

Cancer in the uterus. Root chakra. Stability. Made me think of her mom they lived with her who ain’t a nice lady but the contrary. And my friend still took her in to live with them. Them being my friend and her not well adult child. Is it right to do that to your child? To have some racing crazy person insult her and her mother all day or is it even crazier to the old grandmother fend fir herself on the street. I don’t think I could have been as kind as my friend. Nope. But she was and now she has imuterine cancer, the situation with her mom eating her up from the outside and in. Talk about mother issue. Dear God, I pray fir my friend and her two girls. May they be blessed.

Dear Universe, dear Mary, Jesus and God, thank you for my beautiful children and the life you have given me with then. Thank you for Francois and all around me. I’m trying to learn the lesson with work but clearly I’m still struggling. One day I will be freer.

Good night world. Be blessed and grateful