So my job, like many jobs is to fix problems. Some problems are linked to process, some to system, to people, to missing or wrong data. Most problems are a combination of above.

I like it when a problem is solved and I can move on. There is great satisfaction from having wrestled and finally reached desired outcome – which may have changed a couple of times!

But Monday it felt like all the issues were piling up. That I was never gonna get through them all. That whatever progress I made, it was dwarfed by the mountain of outstanding topics. That whatever I did, however much I worked my boss was never gonna be happy with my work. And my other boss wasn’t giving me love either.

And I want him to be happy because when he is happy, I feel calm and happy to be working. When he is unhappy, then it stresses me, I feel I am not enough and that somehow if I did something differently then he would be happy and all would be ok.

But, what is my job? Is it to do exactly what he wants the way he wants it (burn that bridge yeah ha !) or is it getting the job done my way which may take longer but my relationships are intact? I obviously do the latter which frustrates him. And so I live with the discomfort of feeling that he is unhappy ( maybe I’m inventing it?? But I don’t actually believe that yo be the case). And I try to manage that stress as best I can. Do sports, not drink too often, eat healthyish, and work hard.

I also resent him at times for not receiving more praise. Yes, I want to be a princess, that is honoured and respected. I also want to be admired and therein lies a weakness of mine. Fragile ego that needs the affirmation of my boss and all around. And so I resent him not giving me what I want. And he is probably annoyed because he feels I want it but doesn’t want to give it because I am not him, and not doing it his way, and somehow still manage. But we are different. And that’s why we are complementary. But now in this new project I work for what he hates. Perfect storm for me to structurally feel bad OR awesome practice for me to finally break through this way of functioning. Yup, that’s what we want but……my mind wanders off to wallowing in more poor little me:

And in my normal job I work on complicated stuff that he hates too.

It looks like X job is less hard atleast judging how my boss treats him. But I don’t think it’s the job which may or may not be less complexe , it’s that he’s got a different relationship to him. Just like with his previous Golden boy.

Oh well. Get over it my dear. Change jobs if you are not happy. And by the way: GREAT JOB today, yesterday, last week and last month and actually all year!! Bravo!!! A huge thank you to yourself and you totally deserve the shopping you did !